SABR;PATIENCE

 Everyone might have different perspectives of sabr in their minds but to me it is the most painfully beautiful thing to ever exist;

painful, when you don't find courage in you to pray cause you know you will not be able to stop the tears from flowing 

same as blood dripping from a freshly cut wound 

painful, when you don't want to be vulnerable but yet can't find enough strength to hold back your tears

painful, when you lose control over your emotions

painful, when all you want is to cry in front of Allah but still can't cause you do not want others to see your blood shot eyes later on

painful, when you do not want to appear weak in front of others 

painful, when all you wish is to feel less but can't truly 

so, all you do is pretend

pretend, to be okay

pretend, to be emotionless

pretend, to hide tears behind your smile

all you learn is to pretend

all you do is pretend 

but then a phase comes when your face starts reflecting your emotions and you no longer find guts to pretend

yes, it becomes painful overtime 

when all you want is to scream

scream, your sorrows out

scream, your worries away

scream, your pain away

but still 

you remain quiet

you remain collected 

you keep all your hurt to yourself in order to not hurt others

you keep it all in yourself in order to experience the fruit of sabr Allah has promised 

this is when, it all starts getting better

when you hand over all your matters to Allah

this is when, the pain starts getting beautiful 

this is when, He finds you ways, to comfort you 

He gives you signs, to show you His presence 

He gives you signs, to make you believe in Him all over again

He starts showing you how He is Al-Qadir

He starts comforting you in ways no one could ever do

this is when you start knowing Him all over again

your belief starts getting stronger and you find yourself more close to Him

and then there come people who feel like fruit to your sabr

beautifully created by Allah, having all empathy in their hearts 

who don't comfort you with their words but their actions 

by their mere presence

they don't say beautiful things to you

all they do is, to listen

all they wish is, to not pretend in front of them

all they want is, to not hide your hurt and tears in front of them

*which sometimes might be the most comforting thing to ever exist*

cause maybe sometimes all you need is a listener

all you want is, 'not to be judged'

you don't need advices 

you don't need lessons for your mistakes

you just want your part of story to be heard

to be felt in silence

the thoughts that keep jumbling in your mind to be put to an end

you may feel that pain is still present but now comfort is also there

and your heart is at more peace than ever

Finally, you get to know how sabr brings peace to your soul in the most unimaginable ways 

how it can be painful yet still beautiful and comforting